


Fics & Drabbles

by orphan_account



Category: Night In The Woods (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homeless, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Pets, Dysphoria, F/F, F/M, Genderfluid John Laurens, Hurt/Comfort, It is now, John has a prosthetic arm, M/M, Mostly hurt, Protective John, References to Depression, Sharing a Bed, Sick Mae, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans James Laurens, anger issues, family murder, is it a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-23 11:50:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13189479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Multiple short stories and drabbles I usually put on Tumblr.





	1. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bottled up feelings could become something like a Molotov cocktail.

John didn't get like this often. Or, well, ever. He'd always kept himself so put together. Alexander's silent protector. Anyone who even just glanced at the duo could see they were close. But the thing was, no one knew how deeply that connection ran between them.

When they were even younger, both fifteen years old, they were abandoned. Left on the streets to die on their own. Henry didn't want John. Rachel died.

So Alexander took to a new way to get money. It was horrible at first. Not that it was any better later, but he got used to it. He met John when he was still new to the streets. A young, mute teenager with an alcohol addiction. Alexander had been roughed up from one client and John took him in to the spot he generally stuck to, gave Alexander a drink from his water bottle and some food, both of which he'd spent the remains of his money on. They stuck together after that. Without a word, at one point, it became so much deeper than feeling a debt to be repaid or their only friend.

Alexander needed someone to protect him physically. He was small, usually weak from lack of sleep, lack of proper food and water. He couldn't defend himself if it came down to it.

John needed someone to protect him mentally. He used to be so clingy, so trusting and loving and smiley. Now he wouldn't let anyone near him that wasn't Alexander.

Alex protected John's big heart when it got the better of him. John protected Alexander from any physical threats. It was how they worked. No one could separate them. All they had was each other anymore, and to hell if they'd take a risk on losing that. They both needed protection and different ways, and they realized quick they had just the person to provide what they were missing. That gentle, soothing touch when everything became too much. A hand to hold to ground them, a quiet voice to keep them calm and with it and a heart that'd protect them when they couldn't protect themselves.

Now, skip a few months later. They got into so much trouble all the time. Lafayette and Hercules, two officers - they always got saddled with the case of John and Alexander. They felt for these kids - they did, as they gazed at the two teenagers sitting in chairs side by side in an interrogation room. Petty theft, underage drinking, assault. John looked meek. Shy and scared, obviously knew they were in trouble. Alexander was defiant. Made a joke ever chance he got, held John's hand throughout the entire thing. They released the two the first time and told them to go home to their worried parents. Alexander gave them the finger. John wouldn't even look at them.

The next time they met, John still wouldn't look at them and Alex was far more uncooperative, obvious frustration and rage. They didn't understand why until they pushed just enough that Alexander snapped, that he spilled his guts and told them all about their parents - or lack thereof, choked back tears as John held his hand tight, face blank and gaze trained on his lap. Didn't react beyond the visible white knuckled grip he had on Alexander's hand, Alex's knuckles white to match. The officers did everything they could to help them, but eventually the two had to walk out of that station alone except for each other once more. Who was going to tell them they had to go into the system, that they'd be separated, unable to find each other again? They were attached at the hip, no, at the _heart_. Who were they to break that apart?

They kept coming in and out of the station for months, for all sorts of stupid reasons. Particularly assault, alcoholism and theft. Particularly assault on _them_ they were falsely charged for.

The next time they walked in after so many visits, so many talks, so many agreements to try and stay out of trouble only to wind up right back there, something had gone so, so wrong. Everyone else found it funny the two married partners kept getting saddled with the trouble making children, but they didn't mind. The two were... Endearing in their own way.

The next time, they were a mess. Covered in blood, tears, clothes ripped. Both scratched up. Alexander looked sick, green in the gills, tired. Like he hadn't slept in days, hadn't eaten in hours, and John was worse off.

Pale, barely on his feet as it was. More soaked in blood than Alex. Head dropped, like the only thing keeping him on his feet was Alex's arm around his waist. It definitely was. The two ran to their aid the moment they saw them, saw all that blood. Horrified about what they went through. John tried to brush it off regardless, mumble about how he was okay, _help Alex, Alex is pregnant, he can't be_...

He fainted minutes later, collapsed on Alex. Herc barely caught them both for Alex to not fall over from the sudden weight of his best friend. Lafayette swore they were going to throw up when they really saw the injury from John's ripped up, tattered long sleeved shirt and jacket. One arm hung limp at his side.

The other wasn't there.

When John woke up, he was stuck in a hospital bed, drowsy and out of it due to medication, had to have them up the pain killers. When Lafayette, Hercules and Alexander were allowed in the room, John's lidded gaze simply drew to Alex and stayed there. Lips moving, no sound coming out. Alex leaned down close to him, tried to listen to sound he was sure was there. Looked so terrified, so sad when the young man's gaze drew to Laf and Herc, quietly told them John said he couldn't feel his arm. Was asking what happened. Asking if they took care of Alex. Pleading they would.

It took over a year to get everything back in order. Alexander had decided to keep the baby. John was surprised when he'd heard, but if it's what Alexander wanted, John would do anything.

Skip ahead a few more years and the boys have magically gotten it together more. Alexander raising little Rachel with the help of Lafayette, Hercules, John, and now John's twin sister Frances.

They'd been surprised when the two met again after so many years. She screamed and yelled before she finally broke down and cried on the ground right there on the sidewalk. John didn't say anything, he simply sat beside her, draped an arm over her and let her get it out. The two didn't get along very well though. Just from looking at them you could see they were two wildly different people now.

Frances, who went through school, went to college, lived with their parents until their mother passed and she hit eighteen and could get away from their father. Frances, who had friends, romance, learned law, put her money and motivation into learning law even with Henry's help.

John, who was dropped on the streets so many years ago when Henry decided to leave him for whatever reason. Had lied and told Frances he didn't know what happened to John - even had a funeral for him. John, who only had Alexander to lean on, who lost an arm for him and spent years only learning from hearing other people speak or learning from the officers and Alexander.

He didn't get entertainment. He didn't watch TV, he didn't read books, he didn't socialize or go out unless it was to fuel his drinking addiction whether he wanted to or not. No, John kept to himself, didn't have hobbies really, didn't like much. He kept himself focused on helping with Rachel, helping Alexander, helping Laf and Herc whenever he could. It was always tense when John and Frances spent time together. He had to hand it to her - she made a big effort to spend time with him and get to know him. It wasn't easy; John was mute, closed off, kept to himself.

One day, they got into a fight yet again. Really, it was more a fight on her side. Yelling, screaming, red in the face in fury. _How could you, why didn't you come home, I put up posters, you saw them, you could've come home, you could've called me!_

John only held out for so long as he was yelled at, scolded, his mind and thoughts running wild with each words. Each yelled word, each scolding, each hissed word about how things could've been different if he just made different decisions. As if it was all _his fault_.

And when it got to be too much, he ran. Mid sentence from Frances, John turned on his heel and bolted. Ran off to that guest room he stayed in. Slammed the door and curled up against it, hugged his knees and rocked slowly as the words got the better of him. As his mind ran wild, made him dwell on thoughts he shouldn't have. All Frances could do was stare at the door in horror, knew John was right there behind it. Losing his mind, tears in his eyes. Breaking down.

He was never like this - he always kept his emotions to himself unless it was happiness. It was half an hour of Frances panicking and worrying while Aaron took care of Rachel, another fifteen minutes of Aaron calming Frances down from her panic after Rachel was put down for a nap. She didn't know what to do, how could she fix this? Not long after, Alexander returned with Lafayette and Hercules after hanging out with the two a while, giving them all sorts of updates on things that happened, how Rachel was doing. Of course they came along to see her, they meant a lot to the boys after all the help they'd given them.

What Alex didn't expect to see was a very distraught Frances and Aaron not looking far off. Asked what happened and Aaron had to answer, that they'd gotten in a fight, that John hadn't left his room. Now Alexander himself was more distraught knowing the situation, that John hadn't left his room. If anyone would know how to help him, it had to be his best friend, right? But instead of dealing with it, Alex went over, took Frances's hand. Told her that sometimes, when he himself was upset, John would sit and talk to him for hours. About this or that, anything that came to mind, and it helped him calm down. Maybe she could try sitting down and talking to John too.

So after fifteen more minutes of Frances calming herself down, everyone sat down and simply chatted, let Rachel sleep, tried to give Frances and John time as she went over to his door and sat down in front of it, back to it. Eventually, she started talking quietly, quiet apologies for how she acted, chatting about how she'd learn sign language, how she was scared of him, didn't _know_ him anymore. Didn't know what he liked, what he disliked, what _he_ was like.

_I don't remember how to chill out and have fun with you. I'll get nightmares 'n stuff and get up to go to you on instinct to talk to you and hug you because that makes it better, but then I'll be right outside with my hand on the doorknob and realize... Everything's so different. And I'm scared I'm gonna screw up somehow and you're gonna be gone again but this time... I won't find you again and that's terrifying..._

_So can we please just... Just try to get back to how close we used to be? I need that. I need you back..._

She heard footsteps after a couple minutes, tensed up in worry. What was he doing? Was he trying to get away from her again? Did he not care what she said? Did he not even listen? Did he-

Suddenly a soft scratching. Writing. No sound other than that. She pressed her ear to the door to try and hear something, anything more than the scratching, but the only sounds other than that was his breathing. Erratic, like he was forcing himself to breathe normal, like he was still doing the crying she guessed he was. A ripping sound after what felt like half an hour when it was more like five, ten minutes - then a piece of paper slid under the door, making her jump slightly. She froze, staring at it before picking it up, starting to read as she heard the soft thud of him plopping back down with whatever notepad and pen he'd found in the room, heard the door move a little as he leaned on it once more.

_I can't remember you either, you know. Fuck you for thinking I had control over what happened. I didn't ask to be abandoned and I didn't ask to have Alex in my life, someone I can't just up and leave because my sister is here. It's harsh but it's the truth._

_Thank you for letting us stay and helping us. I know you don't understand. You might not ever. You went to school, you had friends, you had a life and you have a job. Alex and I are dirt poor. Been in a cell more times than I can count. A teenage prostitute and a teenage alcoholic trying to get by on their own, funny how that works. I'll try, but stop yelling at me about this. I couldn't control it then and I can't control it now, Frances. We're strangers. It's time we got to know each other that way._

_Name: John Laurens. Nickname: Jacky. Age: 20. Best friend: Alexander Hamilton. 'Parents': Lafayette and Hercules. Allergic to cat fur. Likes: Sunshine. Sea life. Rain. All kinds of movies. Christmas music. You. Alex. Laf. Herc. Dislikes: When I can't speak. Blood. Alcohol. Noisy people. Yelling. Cats generally (yours are okay). I'm scared of sudden loud noises. I'm scared of Henry Laurens Sr. I have trust issues. I have abandonment issues. Alex and alcohol was all my world consisted of for years on end. I want to be an artist. I want to have a place of my own with Alex. I want to be friends with you._

_And I wanna come out and watch a movie with you, if you do too. No more words. No more noises. Just you and me watching something together. We can talk later._

Frances took a minute to realize why her vision was blurring, why she struggled to finish reading the words on the paper. The tears almost hit the paper until she moved it quickly. After another minute, she knocked softly on the door twice, slid the paper back under. It slid right back seconds later with one word. _Yes?_

Then a small pen followed it underneath the door and Frances hesitated before picking it up and taking the paper, flipped it over to write, the two sliding it back and forth for a few more minutes.

_I'd love to. I'm sorry I yelled._

_It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't come back til now._

_It's okay. I like Alex._

_I do too._

_Can you come out now?_

_Yeah. You gotta move though._

_I wanna hug you. And watch that movie._

_I think I can live with that. You still have to move._

_Okay. I love you, Jack. I'm glad you're back with me._

_Same here._

 


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was like being an honorary member of the family, the real sign you've been accepted.

"You see, when he likes someone, he does this."

"Every time?"

"Every time. It is unavoidable, _mon ami_. It was bound to happen."

* * *

 

Years ago, when Lafayette had first come to the US, still working on their English and trying to figure out what to do, had made fast friends with a certain Hercules Mulligan. The man gave them a place to stay, food to eat and a warm welcome. It was nice, and they were happy he was willing to help them with their English, help them along to make it easier. A year after that, they had a good grasp on English, still lived with Hercules, got themselves a good job and occasionally they went drinking together. It was fun. They learned so much, surprisingly. And it was during one of those nights out at some bar they didn't remember that they met a certain John Laurens.

The man was charming in his own way. A bored look on his face as he drank his whiskey, curly hair let down, loose clothes - being, sweats and an oversized hoodie and sneakers. Lafayette pointed out to Herc that he was all alone as they could see, they should go say hello and keep him company right? Drinking alone couldn't possibly be any fun.

So it was really Hercules's encouragement that they met the smaller man. Both strolled over and Lafayette took the seat to John's right, Hercules on Laf's right as well - didn't want to make the guy feel trapped. The conversation, though... It started off with a tease. With Lafayette teasingly asking how old he was, Herc blanching, worried his friend was going to pick a fight despite them being the one to ask if they could keep him company. But then John was smirking, asking in turn why he and _his boyfriend_ decided to sit beside him instead of answering. That... Actually raised a red flag in itself and Lafayette grew concerned, glanced over at Herc to see him looking vaguely concerned himself. Would've answered, right? If he was of age, that is. But they let it go for the time being and the three started easy conversation, getting to know each other. Lafayette eventually got up to dance, but he asked John to dance with them.

John looked confused, asked why him, why not his boyfriend there and as Hercules himself corrected John and said Lafayette was nonbinary, they took John's hands and pulled him off to dance while Herc laughed. They spoke as they danced though, Laf informing him Herc was not, in fact, their boyfriend and when they voiced their concern, John simply grinned and stated that he was twenty-one and eased their concern, as well as amuse them - they were the same age, after all! He was no liar, why start now? Who knew how long the two danced, John complimented their moves once, making them laugh. At one point though, some guy who seemed about as big as Herc but definitely _not_ Herc came up, hit on Lafayette, asked who the _girl_ was they were dancing with. So far in the crowd, of course Herc couldn't see them to come help, Lafayette felt a chill run down their spine, eyes went wide to see John stomp his foot and grab Laf's hand, giving it a squeeze, snapping that he was their boyfriend and to, in his words, ' _back the fuck up_ '. The guy simply shoved John lightly and smirked, wrapped an arm around Laf's neck as he asked what _she's_ going to do about it.

Laf was frozen, didn't know what to do. Had never encountered such a situation. Focused back on what happened - on John when a loud crack rang through the club - made them realize John had decked the guy, sent him to the floor. Now John was holding his hand to his chest, wincing. The second the guy was up, John was on the ground now, hit right in the eye when he was looking at Lafayette and not the other guy.

When Lafayette and Hercules returned home, it was with a slightly more than tipsy John laid in the back seat, bruises littering his body and face, blood coming from his lip and nose. Had won the fight simply because he held out long enough for Lafayette to get Hercules. But physically, he didn't win that fight at all. Wasn't used to fighting apparently. Well, he was, but that was against people his size, people his age, not people older than him and bigger than him. So Lafayette opted to be the one to patch him up, gently dab at his lip and nose, bandage on a cut to his forehead when he'd hit the ground once again, ice pack for the eye, couch to lay down on, all set up so he could lay flat and relax. Talked more to him in the morning. Got everything on the table; John was more... He didn't know. Sometimes he felt like a guy, sometimes a girl, other times... Neither, thus his anger at being called a girl. Thanks to Hercules and a bit of research, there came the word 'genderfluid' and a strong bond between the three that came from this guy they barely knew fighting for them.

* * *

Five months later, the same thing happened. Different club, Laf, Herc and John out hanging out, laughing, drinking and smiling. Same night, different day, stronger bond. It was fun, it was relaxing and nice to spend time together. They'd spent those five months getting to know their new friend and all was well.

Of course some asshole picked a fight. Was walking by when Herc got up to use the bathroom, causing them to run into each other. The guy got pissed over his spilled drink, Herc tried calming the guy, said he'd pay but then John hopped up and scoffed, claimed a 'dickhead like him doesn't deserve his drink'. The guy got pissed and when Herc tried to calm him once more, said John didn't mean it - John immediately huffed and said that he did, in fact, mean every word - the guy turned his anger on Hercules once more, hissed some insults no one wanted to repeat. But when he reached back to punch Hercules, before Herc could move or hit back or anything, John had climbed up onto his bar stool and launched off it, tackling the guy to the ground and Hercules had to drag John off the guy after a minute and leave with Lafayette before he decided to follow them.

Same night, different day, stronger bond. Lafayette sat on the couch, a bit surprised when John plopped himself down on their lap but they simply accepted it, wound their arms around John's waist and cuddled him while Hercules cleaned him up this time. The three watched movies together and fell asleep cuddled up.

* * *

 

New Years Eve, a cause for alcohol and partying.

So they went to a party. Screamed, laughed, drank, made new friends. All was well. It was an open party - door open, anyone and everyone welcome. As the clock counted down everyone counting with it on the TV loudly, cheering, smiling, John noticed something.

10.

John started walking over to the people that caught his eye, Lafayette and Hercules' curious gazes following him, but they didn't stop him. He had a knack for getting _into_ trouble, had a knack for getting them _out_ of trouble. So they watched and waited.

9.

John stopped. Tensed up. Lafayette did as well, started to slowly move away from Hercules and toward John when he noticed too.

8.

There was a girl, pretty as ever with her long black hair, tipsy but not drunk, sky blue dress and a wide smile on her red lips as she watched and cheered along with the TV, with everyone else.

7.

A man standing near her, far more drunk, watching her, grinning, as he moved over to her as well.

6.

A hand on her shoulder, and she shot a smile up to him, he kept grinning. John and Laf relaxed.

5.

Arm went around her waist, though she didn't seem to notice. Maybe he was her boyfriend?

4.

He leaned down a bit as he called out the numbers beside her, and he saw her laugh. He didn't move back to his friends.

3.

Guy leans in to kiss the girl, and they clearly see her look at him and lean away, shake her head faintly. Everyone else's gazes trained on the TV.

2.

Apparently not. John marched over then, made up his mind. Tapped the guy's shoulder, decked him hard enough to send him falling into someone else as she quickly moved away from the creep. Looked almost grateful at this complete stranger for helping.

1.

John gestured for her to come closer and hesitantly, she did.

0.

John leaned in, stopped when she flinched, but smiled warmly at her and kissed her _cheek_  as everyone screamed _happy New Year_ , said he hopes she has a good year - and maybe pay more attention to her surroundings. Laughed a bit when she did as well, a lighthearted feeling overcoming them as the person the guy fell into quickly realized the situation, Laf and Herc came over to make sure John did not get into a fight. Of course he did though, as the guy scrambled to his feet and punched John in the face in turn. Before they left, John took her hand, shook it and introduced himself, told her she has a pretty name when she did the same in return. _Nice to meet you, miss Schuyler_.

* * *

It was like... How he accepted people. How he gave them an in to their friend group - their weird family. It was surprising when Laf and Herc pieced that together at first, that when he first decided he liked Lafayette, he punched someone for them. He protected them, resorted to violence. When someone was going to pick a fight with Hercules over something stupid, John put himself at risk and punched the guy to protect him. When a guy was going to more or less steal Eliza's New Years kiss, John punched him to protect her as well despite having never spoken to her before. When they brought it up, John simply shrugged and didn't offer an answer. It was simply who he was, apparently.

Only a month into their friendship, Eliza had John, Lafayette and Hercules meet her sisters, Peggy and Angelica. They got together - not at a party for once, but at a simple, lovely cafe she went to all the time. Lafayette had been there once, loved the coffee. John decided he'd pay for everyone, refused to accept 'no' for an answer to it. Meeting her sisters is a treat, he had told her, so they deserved a treat in turn. Eliza laughed, teasingly asked if they were dogs, laughed harder when John winked at her and said if anyone was a dog here, it'd probably be him. Even Lafayette and Hercules laughed at that, and they said he would be - loyal like a dog. Bites people he doesn't like. John grinned, teasingly growled a little at Lafayette for the comment and actually smiled softly, leaned into them when they simply patted his head in return.

Meeting Angelica and Peggy was a real treat. They were nice - although, Angelica definitely kept a more critical eye on them. John didn't mind - didn't blame her. After all, she was the eldest, if he knew anything about good siblings and the way Eliza spoke so highly of them, it was that Angelica would be fiercely protective. He didn't mind or blame her in the slightest, he understood.

Weeks later, they were all together again having coffee and chatting once more. Angelica more relaxed, John started calling them 'Pegs' and 'Angie' and both seemed to smile more softly, more in amusement as he did. No one bothered to stop him - it was nice. Some sign he definitely liked them, and he laughed softly when Peggy teasingly called him 'Jacks' in return. Didn't mind either. One day, Angelica spent time with John by herself and finally, she asked what happened that night. He told her the whole story, starting from when he'd seen Eliza being watched by some creep out of the corner of his eye. Accepted the tight hug from Angelica and the grateful, " _Thank you,_ " when the story was over.

One day when John spent time with Peggy, after a whole day of the two hanging out at the park, at the library, at the cafe, and Peggy pulled him aside. Hesitated, but his smile encouraged her and she gave him a sheepish smile, said she was nonbinary too. John seemed surprised, but without missing a beat, he worriedly asked if he'd upset xem by referring to xem as she/her. Peggy shook xyr head, admitted they preferred xe/xem so he started using the proper pronouns and gave Peggy a tight hug, assured xem he didn't mind whatsoever. It was a good day.

And when all of them got together and spent time at the park again, it was a wonderful day. John used the pronouns and Lafayette and Hercules didn't question it, they simply started using them too, happy with how Peggy's face just lit up. It was all fun, until of course some people hit on the girls. Peggy finally scoffed and stated xe was not a girl. That only led to the conflict getting worse, one grabbed Peggy's arm, gestured to xyr breasts and scoffed, made some comment about xem in bed and when John took notice, he surprised Angelica and Peggy both by getting up, decking the person to make them let go of xem. When the fight was over and once again John was sufficiently beat, he hugged xem to his chest when he saw the horror on xyr face, Hercules and Angelica moving in front of Laf, Peggy, John and Eliza as a sort of shield when John had separated from the person, stated they'd be calling the cops if they didn't leave them alone.

When they all went to the siblings' house to wind down and relax, Peggy was the one to ask if xe could take care of John's cuts and bruises. Laf helped xem out, assured xem John was okay whenever he whined or hissed due to too much pressure on a bruise or the sting of peroxide on a cut.

* * *

 

Many years and many fights went by. Believe it or not, they all got used to dealing with John. Yes, they got mad at him for putting himself in danger so much, but he kept doing it over and over, protecting each and every one of them when he felt they were in danger. Became a brother to the Schuyler's, really. It was cute to see how Eliza and Peggy didn't mind cuddling right up to John during movies, or Eliza being the one to doze off in his lap and John would simply card his fingers through her hair and take her up to bed himself, or tuck her into his own bed if they were staying at his place. He took care of them.

And after all these fights, all these new friends and strange meetings, there came a new one. They may as well have known everyone in New York, knew everything about each other. Didn't think there was anyone cool left to meet. Another club and a new face conversing with a familiar one. Laf had been the one to point it out, said they saw Aaron Burr over at the bar talking to someone. It was Herc's idea to approach them, John's to tease Aaron. He'd fought for the guy too. Sure, they had many differences, but Aaron didn't mean any harm, didn't need the blood on his hands like John apparently did. He didn't seem sure if he was grateful for John's defense or irritated, but he definitely seemed more irritated as he himself tended to John's cuts and told him to be more careful, Lafayette and Hercules simply watching in amused silence.

It was the kid that started the fight though. Some jackass bumping into her, some snide, "Watch it, girlie," or some comment along those lines - John couldn't remember. All he remembered was watching the look of horror cross her face. Like she either wanted to scream her head off and fist fight the guy herself or burst into tears. John stepped up when he saw the tears forming in her eyes, noted even Aaron's silent horror. He wasn't one to really speak up, not even for his own defense. Laf and Herc even seemed surprised, hadn't seen someone react in such a way - more used to being surrounded by the fighters that'd sooner kick the guy than cry. But then she punched him and John jumped to his feet sooner than the others, shoved him off to the side and sent him falling into and thus knocking over some chairs and a table. She seemed so surprised, looked starry eyed despite the forming tears as he looked at John. They were almost the same height, and John simply gave her a sheepish grin, a little laugh. Decided to ask what pronouns she used while he waited for the guy to inevitably get back up.

That was how he met Alexander Hamilton, a trans boy from Nevis. Even told Aaron his pronouns - couldn't stand being misgendered. It was supposed to be a new start, a new chance, right? John agreed, kept his eyes on the guy. All he had time to say before he was shoved back was to simply call him Jack. No time for full names.

And when all was said and done, the five of them went back to Aaron's place for dinner on his own request. Alexander watched raptly as Lafayette gently bandaged and took care of John's minor injuries and bloodied knuckles with Aaron's first aid kit while Alex waited his turn, littered with his own cuts, bruises, bloody knuckles and hands from taking part in the fight, wanted to protect his new friend. But he was surprised that when John was done, he was the one to drag his chair over and start tenderly bandaging Alex's hands, careful to not make it too tight. It was rather... Charming to see that determined look on his face, all his attention completely focused in on what he was doing. Then he smiled up at Alex when he was done, softly dabbing at the blood on his face with a cloth and Alex was gone.

* * *

"So... Am I...?"

"You are."

"How can you be sure? Maybe he was just defending me. I don't even know you, either."

"You can call me Lafayette or Gilbert, if that helps any. You've met our dear friend Aaron. Our other friend is Hercules Mulligan."

"And Jack?"

"John. Laurens. Trust me. You know he won't let you go when he's punched someone for you."

"He what-?"

Alexander jerked his head to the side, wide eyed and surprised when the door to the guest room opened. John didn't look surprised when he heard the last bit of the words though. Instead he strolled over, gave Lafayette and Alex both mugs of hot cocoa Aaron had made them while Alex dragged their friend off to talk. He shared a kind smile with Laf, turned it to Alex and chuckled at the flustered look on his face. And as he walked out the door, he stopped, turned his head and grinned at Alex, a mischievous look in those hazel eyes as he winked at Alex. "In case Laf hasn't told you, Alexander Hamilton, I'm a dog. A loyal dog with a bite as bad as his bark. And when I decide I care about someone, there's no changing that."

Then he was gone, and Alex turned the wide eyed look to Lafayette, flustered at the fond grin he saw on his face. Alex's gaze drew back to the door as he slowly took a sip of the hot cocoa, didn't notice the whipped cream getting on his upper lip and nose. Okay, so maybe he could get used to this...

 

 

 


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They're soft and warm, okay?!" "Whatever you say, dude."

It was kind of a mess to start with. Mae had gotten sick, slept a lot as it was - slept even more when her immune system failed her briefly. Which means they hadn't gotten any word of it until Mae hadn't shown up to practice and they called her parents. Her mother was the one to tell them she was sick, that she couldn't leave bed - was surprisingly wobbly when she did get up so it was best she didn't try unless it was necessary. No one really protested when he started packing some clothes, pjs in particular, one shirt of Angus's, then with a kiss to his boyfriend, he was off. Mrs. Borowski was surprised when Gregg showed up on her doorstep with a travel bag on his shoulder and a smile on his face, but she smiled right back and let him in.

She was asleep when he walked in the room, but he wasted no time setting up a little bed of blankets and a pillow beside hers, blankets and pillows Mrs. Borowski had given him. He laid down, dozed off waiting for her to wake up, startled awake by a hand smacking his arm a little. He blinked and looked blearily over to see her, tired and sick as ever trying to glare at him, leaned off the bed for the purpose of smacking him. Seeing him awake though, she seemed satisfied and settled back into bed.

"Why're you here?" "You're sick." "No shit." "I believe it is my job as your father slash brother slash best friend to take care of you since you're unwell." "Gregg what the hell." Gregg simply grinned at her, got up and got her water. The day passed by rather quietly from there. They watched a few movies on Mae's laptop, chatted with Angus and Bea via the messenger, Gregg tried Demontower while Mae watched and cheered him on, and with Mrs. Borowski and Gregg both, they got her to eat some crackers and drink more water before she fell asleep again.

The next day went the same more or less, Gregg getting further and further in Demontower and Mae cheering him on again. In the middle of it, Angus and Bea showed up, came into the room and caused Gregg to be killed in the game, making Mae and Gregg both groan their disappointment, making the other two smile. Hours went by with all four spending time together before they left. As night fell, Gregg went to the bathroom and changed into his pj pants and white t-shirt for sleeping. When he came back, he raised his eyebrow at Mae who was simply staring at his legs - the pants, he supposed. "What?" He finally asked, tilting his head and Mae raised her eyebrow at him in return.

"Nice pants."

"I think so."

"Did you get them off your sister?"

"They're soft and warm, okay?!"

"Whatever you say, dude."

"Here, feel." Gregg stated, hopping onto the bed and grinning as Mae bounced and screeched at him. She still felt his pink, rose themed pj pants though, gasped and agreed with him. They were indeed soft, so she had to give him that. "Okay, honestly dude, they are pretty sick." She said, nodding her approval, like someone older and wiser than she truly was while Gregg gasped, laid his hands over his chest and smiled so innocently, faked a terrible accent, "Oh, why thank you, I'm so grateful I have your approval," before he flicked her nose. When the two fell asleep this time, it was after more movies and crackers and when Mrs. Borowski came in to check on them, she couldn't help but smile at the sight of Gregg kind of curled up on top of Mae with one of her arms wrapped around him, both happy and sleepy as ever.

 


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honesty is the best policy, right?

Martha knew. That’s kind of what started it. James up and told Martha,  _please stop calling me Jamie. Stop calling me she and her. I’m not a girl. I’m not fucking Jamie anymore._

It only came up because after a lifetime of misgendering, of bullies at his school or being hit on and dealing with unwanted people, and in today's case, all in one day, he couldn't handle his own sister misgendering him. She didn't know  _she didn't know **she didn’t know**_ -

 James didn't even realize he'd been panicking over it, had hid in the bathroom beside the almost shut door and hoped no one came in. The door opened and James tensed. John walked in, shut the door. James stared in horror. John had to have seen him, right? John's gaze actually met James for a moment, but he seemed to act as if he didn't see his brother - sister, James thought bitterly, now frozen with his anxiety and panic as he watched. But John simply started a bath, made sure the water was warm. James felt sick, wondering what John was thinking, what he was going to do, and hoped to god he didn't actually plan to have a bath without asking James to leave.

But then John was crouching in front of him, tapping his cheek silently and James looked up. His eyes were wide, lips pressed in a thin line. John was in his pjs - had he just woken up from that nap he went to take an hour ago? - and his hair was down, a bit poofy, fanning over his shoulders, bangs almost in his eyes. James felt a bit like a child, hesitantly reaching out to brush John's bangs out of his face, relaxed a little to see that tiny smile quirk at John's lips. Martha talked to him, didn't she? Or maybe John simply saw James panicking and was trying to help. Wait... John hadn't done anything. James' hand froze by John's cheek with that, wondering why it had worked. John wasn't doing anything, it was all him. But then one of John's hands moved off his knees, brushed through James' hair, tilting his head just so at the irritable look on his face when John's hand followed down how long his hair was.

It was almost at his middle back. It made James sick. "You need a haircut." John breathed and James actually gasped. So she did? Martha must have told him what he said, right? "Wanna know something, Jay?" John started softly, and so hesitantly, James nodded a tiny bit. Yes, he wanted to know what John had to say. It was a long moment of silence, James taking one of John's hand and playing with his fingers. He felt like such a child doing such small things, but it was calming him and John didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

"The bath running is for you, okay? You're gonna clean up, get dressed in Harry's clothes, then you're gonna come down and watch a movie, all five of us." James' breath caught, hesitating before he nodded slowly, looking so scared at John, but John pressed a kiss to James' forehead and gave him a soft, crooked smile.

"And anyway... James is a lot nicer a name than Jamie to me. Rolls off the tongue easier, don't you think?"


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Know It All

_Mr. Know-It-All_

John hadn’t planned on his friends meeting Henry. Rather, he hoped it’d never happen. They should have never had to deal with him. It was a surprise visit, something no one consulted him about or brought up to him until his friends were hanging out in his dorm room, laughter and smiles between the four friends when a knock on the door came. John shifted a bit before he got up, stretching and going to open the door. He froze in place, wide eyed to see his father standing there though, a neutral expression, an expensive suit, his three year younger than him sister Martha right beside him who immediately pushed past to wrap her arms around John. "Jacky!"

_Well, you think you know it all_

"Her name is _Jacqueline_ , Martha. Remember?" Henry reminded, and Martha simply smiled and nodded, though she whispered in John's ear, "Missed you, Jacky." John cleared his throat, forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes as he stepped aside with Martha still attached to him, letting Henry inside before closing the door behind him. Aware of his friends staring, he smiled forcefully at Laf, Herc and Alex, one arm around Martha as the other gestured to Henry. "Uh... Well, guys, meet my _father_ , Henry Laurens Sr. I... Didn't expect you to come visit so _soon_ , sir." John murmured, looked away from the strange look Henry gave him. "I told you it was _today_ , Jacqueline. Do _not_ pin it on me simply because you couldn't remember the proper date _again_. You _know_ as well as I do what tomorrow is." He stated sternly and John - Jacqueline lowered his head. "Apologies, sir. Are we still going to lunch, then?" He asked quietly, looked up to see Henry's disapproving look and his stern nod. "Yes, we are." He nodded a little, looking reluctantly at his friends. "If you two would be so kind as to wait right outside, I would very much like to say goodbye to my friends and pick up a few things before we go, father." He murmured. Henry nodded, took Martha's hand. Jack ignored the pitying look his sister gave him as the two walked out.

_But you don't know a thing at all. Ain't it, ain't it something, y'all?_

His friends had stayed eerily quiet this whole time, and John was hesitant to turn back to them, break the spell, get them to speak. Voice their disgust or anger or something. When you got down to it, they hardly knew a thing about him - not really. They wouldn't know if he was John, or if he was Jacqueline, if he really was the guy they knew or if he was a girl. John didn't know what to say, hadn't looked at them for a minute but his head jerked up when hands slid into his, fingers slowly entwining with his. He was surprised to see Alex there, smiling so kindly at his flustered, panicking friend. "I get it. They get it." He said simply, gesturing to Laf and Herc. John looked over to see the two smiling and nodding their agreement.

_When somebody tells you something 'bout you, think that they know you more than you do_

"You get it." John breathed and Alex nodded, pressed a little kiss to his cheek. "We got free time. I could attend with you if you want, moral support and all." Alex said, releasing him to pick a bit of the mess that is the living room up. "Come on, Jack, let's finish cleaning up, we'll go together so you aren't alone. You, me and your sister versus your dad." He stated, stopping picking stuff up to flex, delighting in John's snorted laugh as he started helping, along with Laf and Herc. "Yeah, right. Dad'll say something you don't like and you'll deck him with either your words, your fist or both." He stated, looking at Alex for confirmation, the slight shrug and innocent yet mischievous grin speaking volumes where his words didn't. He could handle this.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can’t have people comin’ up to me like they know me when my family is around."

It had all started with John taking a trip by himself to South Carolina, telling everyone in a short video, “Yo, I’m John Laurens in the place to be! Hey guys, got some news for you this time; I, am going to be out of town for a bit. Headin’ back to Charleston, South Carolina to see my little brother Henry Junior, my little sister Pats and my baby sister Mary Eleanor.”

Then his face grew more serious, brows furrowing as he spoke slow, wanted to be sure he explained everything before he went. “Now, I know a lot of you are cool, you won’t do this, but I will not be seeing fans while I’m there. I know, it’s cool seeing Youtubers and people you idolize or like in person and all, conventions or just living in the area, but this is a personal thing. I can’t have people comin’ up to me like they know me when my family is around.”

It was easy enough. He got so many nice comments and reassurance that no one would push him or anything of the sort. A few fans joked about seeing him anyway, some made horrible comments he elected to ignore and the rest of them wished him luck on his trip, hoped he’d have fun. It made John so happy to see how the good comments outweighed the bad ones. So many people adored him, it was great! John was kind of a famous Youtuber now, videos ranging between well done speed paints, PSA's for animals or anything he deemed important, and most of all, lets plays. People absolutely adored him - he could be so endearing.

Later, two hours later specifically, he was laying upside down off the edge of his bed, legs holding him up. He sent a picture of it to a good friend and typed ‘give me motive 2 pack!’. John just kind of laid there for a minute, then checked his phone again when he got a notification.

 

  


John grinned so wide, humming to himself as he texted his twin for a moment to ensure she remembered the trip, laughing at her response of middle finger emojis, hearts and admitting she was grateful for the reminder despite the fact it was just him going. Frances was amazing - one of his most favorite people. It had been funny when at first people thought they were a couple when the two started out videos, people laughing at their horrified shrieking on a comments answered video about how they were twins and just the thought was so wrong. Now, now John simply found that issue funny since it was all over.

As for the trip, their father had asked himself if they could - said the kids missed them. Frances opted out, said she'd do a lot more Skype calls with them to make up for it, which left John who simply couldn't say no when Mary said please.

With that, John got up and stretched, starting to slowly pack for his trip. Nothing he thought he’d want then not need. Only necessities, his camera, laptop and his chargers. His clothes, Hercules’ hoodie that he stole, nail polish from Lafayette, a plastic container of homemade food Alexander had given him for the trip and the hair ties Peggy had bought him. The gifts meant a lot to him - they had said it was something to remind him what he was coming back to in two weeks.

And of course, the trip had, more or less, gone without a hitch. He was tense as always being back home, but he was so relieved to see his siblings and practically filled his camera with pictures of them all. He made a couple vlogs as he strolled around home, told little stories of little Jacky running around town, getting to know his neighbors and family, buying candy from the convenience store or picking fights with people when he was a teenager.

One video concerned everyone though. All the comments expressed their concerns over that bruised cheek he suddenly had, but he laughed them off, said it was fine, that he'd simply tripped on the steps running up to the house after getting groceries and his face met concrete. That eased their concerns, and the worries all tapered off to nothing, simply well wishes for his trip and hopes he'd get home soon to get back to making videos and hanging out with his friends. It made him all the more excited to go home.

Four days left to go home, and after another video, people noticing that bruise on his face got darker, asking of he was okay and John brushing it off as nothing. He was surprised when, in the middle of the afternoon and cuddling with Martha, his phone went off, surprising him so he took it out, unlocking his phone and checking the text, not minding Martha leaning over to look.

John's breath caught in his throat, gaze drawing over to see Martha watching him now with a saddened look. She wrapped her arms around him as he tapped back a reply, got one right back which made him shudder.

"Time to go home, Jack." Martha breathed and hesitantly, John nodded a little. Frances knew about everything, she knew when to call him on his shit, she knew when to call him home. And John getting covered in bruises he had ridiculous stories for spoke volumes to Fran as to what was going on.

So John hopped on a plane back to NY a few hours later. He hated flights, but of course some alcohol and his blanket to nap under worked. And when he came back, he was immediately squished in a tight hug between Eliza and Frances before he was taken home where they all just curled up on Lafayette's bed, didn't worry about what tomorrow would bring.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never admit to the fear or the loneliness.

John was lonely often.

 

He had his friends, his family, even his twin, but he still felt alone more often than not. He’d talk to them, make jokes or hang out or listen to their worries or anything, and that was all fine.

The moment he got talking about himself, his worries, it was as if the life of them, of their conversations, their love and friendships, simply drained from them til there was nothing left.

He started to keep to himself, shrugged off the old “how are you?” And “are you okay?” Questions. Then he started snapping. Every time someone he cares about asks, “Why do you care?”, “Don’t pretend that you know me”, “Leave me alone”. It was exhausting, but it was all John knew how to do.

 

His only coping methods that were healthy came from his mother. Draw, speak, sing. That’s it.

What do you do when your methods  _fail_ you?

 

John  _drank_. John  _smoked_. John  _ **fought**_.

 

At first, there was only  _one_ person he could trust that he wouldn’t hurt by ranting and crying about  _everything_.

 

One night of drinking, John and Alexander got in a rather loud fight. A screaming match about right and wrong. Then it went wrong. So wrong.

Alex, poor, drunk Alexander, yelled that John was just like his father. John looked so crushed. Hissed that Alex was a whore. Alexander punched him in the face, right in the eye.

Lafayette and Hercules broke it up and while Lafayette took and dealt with Alexander, Hercules took and dealt with John.

 

That night, John stayed there irritable as ever while Herc tried to talk him into talking to him, telling him what was wrong. John refused and glared at him every single time, denying his efforts, wouldn’t even let Hercules deal with his minor injuries.

Finally, an hour later, when Herc was so ready to give up hope and lock John in the guest room as punishment for the fight, John just… Started crying. Soft whimpers and uncomfortable shifting at first as Herc ranted and huffed and yelled about the fight, about John’s temper; the smaller man broke.

 

_What are you even doing, you’re a mess, we can’t fight among ourselves, **what’s w r o n g with you?**_

__

“I’m scared!” John finally yelled, then immediately curled in on himself as Herc stared. Scared? Scared about what? What would He have to be scared about?

It took a considerable amount of effort to get John to speak, and now that he was, he couldn’t stop. All Hercules could do was watch in horror and concern as John sobbed and cried about it, gasped and wheezed when he ran out of air.

He never cried in front of them. That was the thing. John never in his life shed a tear in front of Lafayette and Hercules. Alex had seen his eyes glistening with unshed tears when they fought.

And now Hercules watched helplessly as years and years of pain poured out in front of him.

 

_I’m a mess, I’m like dad, I hurt him I didn’t mean to I’m so scared **please don’t leave me Hercules I’m so sorry-**_

__

Finally Hercules pulled John close, sat down with his friend in his lap and rocked him slowly until John’s cries died down and he was left slumped against Hercules, trembling and whimpering quietly. John didn’t say anything this time, cuddled close to Hercules and just accepting the comfort his friend offered.

When Hercules moved, John clutched him tighter. When Hercules shifted to get up, John started sobbing again and pleading he stayed, didn’t leave, didn’t hate John for his mistakes so Hercules was forced to stay there all night. The next morning, Alexander and Lafayette found John and Hercules curled up tightly together, John tucked against Hercules’ chest, head under his chin and expression tight in a bad dream.

Lafayette gently shook John awake and after one glance at Lafayette and Alex gazing at him in concern for the little whines, the squirming, the hushed words from his dream,

 

_stop please let me be i’m sorry i didn’t mean to i want to be good-_

 

John found himself hidden away in the bathroom, door locked as he sat fully clothed in the tub, warm water pouring over his head from the shower-head as he sat there quietly. It took fifteen minutes for John to gather the strength to stand up and strip, just leaving his wet clothes in the tub as he washed off and got cleaned up.

When he finally stepped out and turned the water off, he was slow to dry his hair off and wrap a towel around himself, but he didn’t want to leave the bathroom. Not yet, not when he knew they were out there. John was in there a full hour, pacing, sighing, lost in his thoughts until a knock came to the door and startled him.

He didn’t say anything, but a note slid under the door. John hesitated before sitting and picking it up from the floor, reading it slowly.

_I’m sorry for what I said. You know how I get. It’s no excuse but I’m sorry. Forgive me? :( - AH_

John was dead silent, reading it over and over as he debated what to do, what to say, lump in his throat preventing him from speaking. Suddenly a pen slid under the door and John shakily picked it up. Answer him. Explain. Ask to be forgiven.

_I know you were right. Don’t apologize. I didn’t mean what I said either - JL_

_Don’t say that, Jacky_

_I’m scared_

_Of what?_

_Myself. You. Laf and Herc. being ~~alne~~  alone._

_I won’t leave you_

_Thank you_

_< 3?_

_< 3_

It took another half an hour before John got the courage to step out of the bathroom. Immediately he was pulled close by Alex who scrambled to his feet when the door opened. They didn’t say anything, both exhausted, but that was okay. The silence spoke wonders for them.

Alex checked John’s black eye. John checked Alex’s bruised cheek. They got into their PJs slowly and went to John’s room, sat on the bed. After five minutes, Lafayette and Hercules joined them. They looked like they wanted to say something at the sight of Alex and John sitting side by side. The two stayed silent, thighs touching, Alex’s hand resting over John’s on the bed. Not holding it, just resting there.

John’s head was resting on Alex’s shoulders, dressed in the warmest, softest PJs which happened to simply be one of Hercules’ sweaters and a pair of Alex’s PJ pants. No one minded. What bothered Lafayette and Hercules was their faces.

Alex looked near tears, gaze down and lips pressed into a thin line to prevent wobbling. John just looked… Tired. Soft, quiet, lidded eyes watching Laf and Herc, but he had that light back. Despite the frown on his lips, the almost sad expression, that light that seemed to just vanish the night before was back, and that was a relief.

Lafayette and Hercules tucked them in to bed, laid down and curled up with them. They felt like parents taking care of their children. Especially when Alex started bawling against Herc, one hand holding John’s and the other clinging to Herc, and John just curled against Laf, tired in more ways than one.

But like parents taking care of their kids, Lafayette and Hercules knew how to take care of their boys better than anyone. They’d be okay.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't remember, do you?

"Are you okay?" The question came so often he grew to hate it. With every fiber of his being, he hated it.

  
Over and over. Expecting an answer, an 'im fine' from him. He used to lie and say he was just perfect. Disgusted in the way people smiled, maybe even condescendingly as they pet his head, said they were glad.  
  
Then he grew tired of it. Ears laid back, tail swishing, sharp teeth bared as he hissed out an 'im okay'.  
  
They couldn't seem to care any less.  
  
One day, he had enough. A relative asked if he was okay with that condescending smile and 'im talking to a brainless five year old' voice and he snapped. Couldn't she see he wasn't okay? Didn't she care enough to really check on him? Of course not!  
  
Something went wrong. All he could see was red and he couldn't feel anything past his fury, then it was blank, seemed like he blacked out.  
  
When he came to, he slowly registered he was sitting on her stomach, the barely seventeen year old boy just a little bigger than her. He slowly registered the blood on his hands, too. A soft gasp escaping.  
  
He didn't mean to shred her. He didn't mean to steal her life away from her. His mind blanked and when he came back she was gone.  
  
Then the screams reached his ears.

He swore his heart stopped as he looked up, saw his siblings, his father, his aunts, uncles, cousins, watching him in fear. Fear he might turn on them. Might go after them next. John found he couldn't remember the majority of the day. He couldn't remember any of it up until he ‘woke up’ on her.

He slowly got to his feet, heart leaping into his throat, making his stomach turn as he watched most of them flinch. Martha, James, Harry, Frances. They didn't flinch. Mary was crying in Martha’s arms.

John ran inside the house, locked himself in his room. Locked himself in the side bathroom off his bedroom. He couldn't breathe, shaking as he dropped himself in the bathtub, turned the water on. Listened over the sounds of the water showering against his head, soaking his hair, his clothes, clearing blood off his hands but not off his clothes. It was ten minutes before he heard a soft knock at the door.

It took John five minutes to get up and dry off, to shut the water off. Three minutes to throw his clothes in the garbage can and pull on the softest pjs he had. His tail hung between his legs, ears flat as he hesitantly opened his bedroom door.

It was only a tiny relief to see his four siblings. Mary was still sniffling, but when she saw big brother Jacky, she made grabby hands at him and John didn't notice the tears falling down his cheeks as he so gently picked Mary up from Martha’s arms, cradled the whimpering, hiccuping five year old close to his chest as she clung to him.

 _I’ve seen this_ , Martha whispered into his ear as she wound her arms around him and Mary together. Frances hugging both Martha and John close, Harry and James hugging his legs, all of them hanging onto John as if it were the last time. It may be for all they knew.

 _You don’t remember, do you?_   John shook his head. No. What was she talking about?  _When we were little, you’d get like this. You’d fight us and get really mad and not remember it an hour later_. John swallowed thickly and pressed his face into her shoulder. _Nonono he didn't remember_. Something was wrong. 

 _Dad called animal control. You’re going to be taken away_ , his younger sister warned him, and he gently squeezed Mary, felt a little sob building in his throat as she cried softly against his shirt. She understood.

They all had half an hour together, where they curled up on John’s bed with James and Harry on one side, Martha on the other and Mary in his lap. Eventually, when they showed up, he was taken away. Begged them to stay safe. She pleaded that John get the help they know damn well he needs. He promised he would try. Then they took him away and he closed his eyes, letting himself be dragged out as he heard Mary's cry, pleading for her brother back and Martha hushing her softly, trying to soothe their baby sister with Frances's help.

Soon, he was in a pound, hands cuffed and a muzzle on his mouth to prevent any further attacks he may attempt. He was on death row more or less. John had accepted his fate. He knew he wouldn't be getting out of it. A muzzle to keep his mouth shut, cuffs holding his hands behind his back and no will to fight any of it. Time passed so slowly as he sat in the corner of the cage, unmoving, staring at the floor. He didn't pay attention to anything around him, silent, tired, waiting to meet his end for what felt like oh so long - it was just him sitting there like that for three days, silent, refusing food, refusing water. What was the point of giving in?

Then his name was called, his lifeless gaze drifting up and he blinked in surprise, furrowed his brows to see four people staring at him. He wasn't sure what was worth, being stared at like that or being on death row. John was let out, kept cuffed, but the muzzle was removed, he could speak freely to those four watching him. Apparently the older man - Washington? - was going to help him with his legal troubles, apparently knew of his rough past with his family, all the fights with his father, aunt and uncles, cousins. It wasn't hard for the man to dig up information on the caged cat, a rough past of considerable abuse, an uncaring human father and family and a cat mother that died years ago, leaving he and his five siblings to his senator politician father who told everyone the children were simply pets of his late wife no one knew about.

It was like a whirlwind of commotion through the next month or so. Washington's wife, Martha apparently, was the one to get his words on it one week after meeting him. To go inside the cage and sit by his side when everyone else was busy. Pet his ears slowly, still and quiet for a few minutes. When he started to purr quietly from the petting, Martha unclipped the muzzle and softly asked what happened. He started slow, getting used to words on his tongue. Voice raspy, words quiet, slow, slurred. When he started getting used to speaking again, his voice gained more confidence, spoke without the stuttering and fear. But then he couldn't stop. He sat upright as his mouth ran without his permission, eyes closed as he retold the story to Martha, felt her fingers card through his hair over and over as he spoke.

Mother gone, father bad, family broken, siblings scared and alone and John taking Eleanor's place to care for them despite being uncared for himself. He only registered the tears dripping down his cheeks when his words trailed off finally, when the story ended. _When my aunt asked if I was okay, when I snapped, when my mind blanked... When I... When I woke up and saw her... so much blood..._

When the three and the worker at the pound returned, the worker looked startled and worried at the sight, but the other three seemed... Trusting. Quiet as they watched Martha hold the cat close, a hand on the back of his head and the other around his waist, his hands clutching her shirt, shaking as sobs wracked his body and the sounds muffled into her chest.

It was quite the surprise to them. But Martha had always had that quality to her. Motherly, kind, trustworthy and safe above all.

John absolutely refused to let the others touch him for the longest time. They were stuck with the legal troubles of dealing with it, deciding John was having enough mental issues that got him out of that death sentence he'd been saddled with. And when he heard that, he'd started sobbing then and there, only let Martha close enough to rest a hand on his back and coo soft, comforting words to him as he sobbed and whined, happy, for sure, but also... Unsure. Lost. Confused.

It took a long time - months to make such progress. He had to stay at the pound, cuffed and usually muzzled until they knew what to do with him, though no one was as kind to him as those four, and George Washington knew just what to do.

One day, one of them came all by himself. John looked up when his name was called, confused and surprised to see a young boy about his age. Long dark hair, dog ears, a wagging tail, bright brown eyes and a confused look. John couldn't take his wide, confused eyes off of him. Why was the dog even here? Did their owners want him to make friends with John? Did he want to in general? That couldn't be right. Who would befriend a killer? Who would even adopt him anyway? Henry had definitely made it clear in the past John was... Less than good. So why?

But then the boy glanced off to the side, asked, "Is this him?" and another voice - more familiar, though out of eye shot, agreed. "Yes, it is. Be nice, Alexander."

John bit his lip, tail curling around his legs and ears lowering as he watched. Looked scared for a moment when this Alexander opened the cage and crawled inside. But then he was closing the gate. It was big enough to fit an animal a bit bigger than John, but he still couldn't imagine it was comfortable for Alexander. John even pulled his knees up, kind of tucked his feet against himself to give him more room, noted the curious gaze in the other's eyes as he watched him. Then Alexander was sitting down in front of John, legs tucked up as well. "Tell me about yourself." He stated so cheerfully, so casually. John furrowed his brows, nose wrinkled, gave him an odd look. Then Alexander reached over, unclipped the muzzle like Martha had for him the first time and tossed it off to the side, ignoring the clatter of the plastic hitting the metal gate.

"Come on. Talk. I know you can." John stared at him a moment longer, working his jaw, debating his words. Finally, he murmured, "My name is John Laurens." It was kind of nice to see the way the dog's eyes lit up at this, at the cat finally speaking. "Alexander Hamilton. What'd you do to get in here?" John stayed silent then, gaze drifting down, but it shot back up to Alex at the following words, "You want out of here, don't you?"

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? When he unintentionally voiced this thought, Alex simply laughed, stated how he'd get John out if he learned why he was there in the first place.

He couldn't pass that up. Had to get out, had to see his siblings, had to make things right. so the story tumbled forth like it had Martha, much more reluctant, much more hesitant. But Alexander, he had to commend him. The teen listened quietly, hands folded in front of him, paid attention to every single word, every detail.

 Then when he trailed off at the end, curled up further into the corner, the dog was silent, tail still, then he spoke quietly. "We wanna help you, you know." John looked so, so tired as he gazed at Alex then, but Alexander wasn't stupid. He could see that glint of curiosity in his eyes. Hope. "You need... You need therapy." Alex stated softly, and John nodded slightly. Anger issues. Loss of memory. Blood on his hands. "You need... A home." Alex could _see_ the way John's ears went up a little at the word. He was listening. That was all he wanted. "A safe place... Food and water and all... You're too thin." John's head lowered at that, but Alexander just smiled. He knew he could be kind of a mother hen when it came down to it, got it from his mother and Martha both.

"You know... If you go with Laf and Herc, you _can_ have all that." John immediately shook his head. Scared. Afraid he'd snap again, but then Alex had a hand on his cheek and a grin on his face. " _Yeah-huh_. Therapy _first_. Then a home. Okay?" John hesitated, guard up, looked so worried as he watched Alex. But after at least two minutes of simply staring at each other, Alex didn't miss the way John's shoulders slumped, or the way he slowly turned his face into Alex's hand as he started purring. It wasn't much of a response, but it was a start and it was all the agreement Alex needed for them to get started.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did it have to be this way?

Why did it go like this? She hadn't do something to deserve it, had she? She knew  _they_ didn't. They were perfect the way they were in just about every way. They all had their flaws, and in her eyes, their feats outweighed the flaws. But her? She was just one big flaw in the design. They were so good. Happy. 

Then she came along.

That was it. That was _always_ it.

Everything’s _fine_ until _she_ steps up or joins in. Then it’s some mess destroyed beyond recognition.

 _He didn't mean it_ , he’d say.  _I know_ , she’d answer.  _ **Yes he did**_ , she believed.

 _I’m sorry_ , he’d say.  _It’s okay_ , she’d answer.  ** _No you’re not, and I don’t blame you_** , she’d believe.

When she got sick, who was there?  
When she got scared, who soothed her?  
When she ran away, who brought her back?  
When she couldn't handle it all, who eased her worries?

The answer was always the same, every time.  
_**CaseyCaseyCaseyCaseyCasey-**_

She never meant for this to happen. He could handle her moods. He knew how. Even _he_ still seemed to struggle with how she was, _who_ she was. But him? He never did. He knew the difference between when it was time to take her face in his hands and give it to her straight, and when it was time to slap her across the face to make her see some actual sense over the insanity she was focused on.

No one thought it’d last, that friendship.  _Casey will leave you, Casey’s nothing but trouble, he’s a bad influence on you._

_**You’re a bad influence on him**._

_I’m going to college_ , she said.  _I’ll wait for you to come back_ , he answered.  _ **No you won’t**_ , she knew.

She didn't know what gave her that feeling, but somewhere in her heart, she knew, she wouldn't be seeing Casey again.

Maybe that's why when they told her Casey was gone, she got that look on her face. That shocked look, lips parted, eyes wide. Hoped it was some joke and shoved down the fear and hurt in her stomach, along with the residual hope Casey would return for them. For her.

He wasn't coming back. They had said so. They knew what happened to Casey finally. She still found herself out by the train tracks so many days in a row with Lori, hanging out in peaceful silence. Sharing knowledge, thoughts, memories.

Memories of her life by the train tracks. Memories of her and Casey going wild together at the train tracks. Most had Greggory alongside them, all howling and laughing to the moon as they walked along the tracks, joked about, spoke of what their lives would be like in the future.

And she ruined it all. Because she had to go to college.

And Mae couldn't even stay there to start with.


End file.
